


When The Night Is Coming Down On You

by zouisweak



Series: Zouis Week [3]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Zouis Week, chnaged the title bc i do what i want and also through the dark just came on on shuffle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-15
Updated: 2015-09-15
Packaged: 2018-04-20 23:02:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4805492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zouisweak/pseuds/zouisweak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zouis week, day 3/7: Jealousy.</p><p>“It’s actually envy,” Louis says, and instantly regrets it because, what, is he Harry? This is not the time to be correcting grammar.<br/>“What?” Zayn looks just as incredulous as Louis feels at his input.<br/>“Just- it’s not technically jealousy, it’s envy- when you want something that’s- not yours to have.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	When The Night Is Coming Down On You

**Author's Note:**

> I should clarify that the works in this series aren't in chronological order or anything so yeah

It was one of those days where Zayn demanded every second of Louis’ existence, giggling at his weakest jokes and letting him get away with anything, everything. It thrills Louis as much as it terrifies him, and after five years he's surprised by how little some things change.

Night's no different, and it’s supposed to be movies in Niall’s room at the hotel, but Zayn shook his head, lent into Louis, murmured into his ear, “just us, yeah?” and again, it’s something Louis should be used to, but he’s still awed by how Zayn chose _him_ to be his best friend.

They go out, because of course they do, because Zayn can’t sleep- what’s new- and Louis can’t say no to Zayn. Again- what’s new.

It’s more of a bar than a club, though, and Louis pretends to be as disappointed as Zayn clearly is that not many people are out that night. It’s hard, though, when taking their drinks to a table in a bar where the music isn’t even that loud means that they might actually talk.

Emphasis on _might,_ because it’s becoming increasingly unlikely, and Louis doesn’t get why- it’s not like he’s oblivious, Zayn must know he realises something’s up. Louis sees every second of it, the shaking hands and the increasing dependency on tobacco and the way it looks like it fucking hurts to get one sentence out during another bullshit interview, and it’s- well.

It’s hard to miss, is what Louis is trying to say, the way the anxiety crackles beneath Zayn’s skin, the way the stress weighs him down _, wears_ him down to the point that sometimes Louis fears he won’t be able to build him back up. Not this time. It’s like a second skin, at this point, and according to Liam even some fans are noticing, have been for a while, so how Zayn could think Louis, his best friend, his most _trusted_ friend, wouldn’t notice, is beyond him.

But Louis doesn’t pry, and that’s partly out of respect for Zayn, out of his need to believe that when he’s ready, Zayn will come to him, just like he always does, but also because he’s fucking terrified. If Zayn isn’t willing to talk about it, then it’s bigger than anything they've dealt with before, because Zayn talks about everything- at least when it comes to Louis, he does. He talks about his problems with Perrie and how much he misses home and how he’s secretly scared of being forgotten. He talks about the way he’s kind of jealous of Niall and Harry, how easy it all comes to them, about how fucking infuriating it is that he just has to sit and smile when random interviewers or supposed "fans" on twitter are racist assholes, he talks about the way his father’s been erased from his story, and how much he hates not seeing his sisters grow up. He talks about everything- but he won’t talk about this.

And even though it’s a perfect chance, the alcohol in their blood and the anonymity in the dark, he doesn’t talk about it that night either. Which isn't surprising, unfortunately, but Louis can't help but be a bit bitter.

The bar begins to fill up, and soon two guys, probably in their thirties, ask if they can sit at the table Louis and Zayn are monopolizing because everywhere else is taken. It’s not something that often happens, and Niall and Liam often joke about how intimidating the pair of them are, a reputation that Louis is secretly grateful for because it’ll stop people from invading their time together, yet another thing that makes Zayn and Louis zaynandlouis.

But these guys actually seem nice, and Louis and Zayn have been stuck in a cycle of pointless conversation for a while now, both of them trying to avoid It, so they smile, say _sure._

The men introduce themselves as Phil and Jack, and then Jack asks if anyone wants a drink, and Zayn and Louis say no but Phil asks for his regular. And when Jack comes back with two beers, one some Australian brand Louis doesn’t recognise, Phil kisses him on the cheek and says “thanks babe.”

“Oh- you’re together?” Louis asks dumbly, without thinking, because alcohol always fucks with his social cues. Zayn elbows him under the table, and louis knows he’s going to pretend like he could tell they were a couple instantly even though that would have been fucking impossible, _Zayn._  

“Is that going to be a problem?” Phil asks, and he raises an eyebrow. He doesn’t look angry, just- anticipatory. Like he gets it a lot.

“No, course not, I’m bi m’self,” Zayn says with one of his hard-earned but worth it wide smiles.

And- _what?_ Louis can’t help the way he turns to look at his friend, wide eyed, because seriously, _what?_

It’s not just how much shit that could get them in if it got back to management, which it easily could because they don’t know these guys, more importantly don’t know that these guys don’t know _them,_ they could easily have some daughter or niece with a poster- it’s also how Zayn doesn’t come out to people he doesn’t trust, and even when he does trust them sometimes he still can’t be bothered, because _“it’s none of their fucking business, is it?”_ so louis doesn’t really get why he just told two veritable strangers, in a crowded bar, that he isn’t straight. Jesus. And there’s that weird jealousy he always gets, when one of Zayn’s secrets isn’t just for them. it’s a jealousy that’s becoming more frequent, these days, a possessiveness that he hasn’t really ever felt before, because it’s starting to feel like Zayn is slipping from his grasp, like whatever it is that’s fucking Zayn up is bigger, stronger, than Louis, is getting more of him than Louis can save.

“Same,” Louis says, because whenever Zayn does something risky Louis has to do it too. That’s the bro code, or something.

The two men smile at them, relax minutely, and then they move on. They spend the rest of the evening talking to Phil and Jack, who are from the area but this is their first time back in five years, because they’ve been travelling, and when Zayn asks _“where,”_  Jack says _“wherever the fuck we wanted,”_ with a soft smile that has Zayn smiling too, with something akin to awe.

Zayn asks a lot of questions, that night, about their travels and how they got together and their jobs, and all sorts of other things that Louis has never seen Zayn be curious about. In fact, if the questions were turned on him, he’d probably get bored and make some weak excuse to leave the conversation.

Now he doesn’t seem bored at all, he seems fascinated, and that fascinates Louis, so while Zayn talks to the couple, Louis looks at him, in a way he never does in public, or at least not for extended periods of time.

Tonight, though, he can’t look away, because Zayn looks absolutely fucking enthralled and it takes a lot for someone to capture his interest like this but it’s so so worth it, and something Louis always goes out of his way to do, because Zayn's eyes widen and his jaw softens and his lips curve and his nose scrunches and it’s just absolutely beautiful, is what it is, and Louis suddenly has the urge to tell Zayn how- but no. not now, not when Zayn needs his support. It’s too much of a risk. Maybe when things go back to normal, when Zayn gets back into the band, maybe then Louis’ll tell him. Although, let’s be real, he’s been delaying it for years already. But it's not like he needs to tell him, because it seems unlikely that Zayn doesn't know, and even if he doesn't- Louis is fine with the idea that friends is all they’ll ever be. It’s a privilege, really, and he’s already luckier than pretty much everyone else ever, just to get to be around him, so he tries not to push it.

Halfway through the night Zayn reaches down and grabs Louis’ hand, and it’s tight and desperate rather than fond or friendly, but Louis still can’t do anything but hold it right back. Eventually it’s last call, and Zayn gives the guys his number so they can give him- and Louis, too- a tour of all the must-see spots in the area, which is nothing more than wishful thinking, but Louis lets him indulge in the fantasy, because Zayn probably knows that better than anyone else.

His smile fades in the taxi, though, and Louis feels disappointed- he had hoped this could be one of the good nights- but not exactly surprised- towards the end of the conversation Zayn’s smile had become more manic, tight, and it didn’t speak of happiness the way most of his smiles do. Louis knew it wouldn’t last behind closed doors.

When they pile into the bus, going for quiet even though everyone else is in the hotel so there’s no one to be quiet _for,_ Zayn instantly goes to the back where the couches are, rather than the bunk. Louis, of course, follows him.

“What’s up?” he asks, and there’s no point going for casual because even a slightly drunk Zayn can read him better than most everyone else.

Zayn shrugs, flicking at his lighter. It’s run dry, so there are only a few sparks every now and then, but he doesn’t want to throw it away.

It’s the one Louis got him, in an airport newsagents. An Eiffel tower. He'd made a stupid joke about wanting to Eiffel tower him, in the way that they always fake-flirt, but it had actually been really awkward because Zayn didn't know what that meant and Louis hadn't wanted to explain it so Zayn looked it up on urbandictionary and gave Louis a weird look when he read the entry but they ended up laughing, anyway, so. Louis still counts it as a win.

Louis sits down, beside him, decides to wait it out. For two ridiculously impatient people, they’ve always been good at giving each other time.

Eventually, Zayn sighs. “Just unfair, innit.”

“What is?” Louis asks, although he already agrees. The world has always been unfair on Zayn, according to Louis’ standards. He deserves everything, really, and it doesn’t make sense how much he has to fight for. Louis wants to give him the world on a silver platter, and it’s not a new desire.

“that they- it’s so stupid because it was obvious that they’ve gone through their own shit to be together, but it’s still- they were able to be so fucking open about it, and it’s just unfair.”

Louis- he doesn’t know what to say. He feels slightly blind for not having worked out what it was that was getting to Zayn- being confronted with an out-and-proud couple, that could be pretty jarring for anyone closeted, including Louis. But at the same time, he can’t blame himself for not having picked up on it, because Zayn- he doesn’t mind being in the closet, not _really_ , not as much as Louis does, at least. He’s always the one who wants to keep things private, especially things important to him. There’ve been so many times where Louis has gotten worked up about it, about how he can’t just be open about it, and it’s always been Zayn who’s calmed him down _. “Who gives a fuck what they think?”_ he’d ask _. “You and I know what’s real, we know the truth, and that’s all that matters, yeah? Fuck the rest of ‘em.”_

It’s like Zayn can hear his questions, because he answers them in the next breath. “It’s not like I want to scream it from rooftops or whatever, you know, but it’s just- if that was what I wanted I should have the option, you know? The choice has been taken from me, they make all my fucking decisions, and I fucking hate it, being their fucking puppet, having to lie about myself, lie about who I want to be with.”

“You don’t- you’re not lying about that,” is all Louis can offer. “You _do_ want to be with Pez.” And it’s to remind himself, more than anything, because sometimes when Zayn shows his vulnerable side it gives Louis impulses beyond the duties of a best friend.

Zayn looks at him, then, a bit incredulous, and it’s like he’s trying to say something but for the life of him, Louis can’t work out what. After a while, Zayn sighs again, and it sounds like he's just lost something. Louis, inexplicably, feels slightly guilty. “Right. Still, though. I’m just- jealous, I guess.”

“It’s actually envy,” Louis says, and instantly regrets it because, what, is he _Harry?_ This is not the time to be correcting grammar.

“What?” Zayn looks just as incredulous as Louis feels at his input.

“Just- it’s not technically jealousy, it’s envy- when you want something that’s- not yours to have.”

And god he’s an asshole, he’s an absolute asshole, and he’s instantly wrapping his arms around Zayn, cuddling into him.

“It should be, though, it should be mine. It should be mine,” Zayn is saying, over and over, and then he looks at Louis. “It should be _ours,_ Lou.”

When his lips touch against Louis’, Louis doesn’t push him away. Never does. He just kisses him back, until it stops tasting like tears, and then he kisses him back some more.

Just in case.

Just for luck.


End file.
